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My experience of surgery

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  Not long ago on 21 October 2026 I experienced something I never thought I’d ever have. And that was surgery for a condition that was causing me serious risks of cancer. I was scared of the unknown disease. Everything came down to the mindset staying confident in the surgeon who was amazing. Thyroid gland half was removed so some of it was okay even though it was tested to be sure again. However, that day I got called up for surgery and my prayer was answered. The next day I was walking in the theatre and lay down on a table for the doctor and his team. They were fantastic and they kept me as calm as they possibly could, as we know anxiety doesn’t help the situation. I saw Dr Harper he was fantastic and he said “are you ready Lori” and my response was “as ready as I’ll ever buddy” he smiled and prepared. The nurses etc were very good. They kept me calm and took me an hour to be stable and stay asleep with full anesthesia. I remember looking at the devices and ceiling thinking thi...
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When a Friend Controls the Friendship A CBT guide to spotting the pattern, changing your thinking, and taking your power back

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When a Friend Controls the Friendship A CBT guide to spotting the pattern, changing your thinking, and taking your power back You leave the coffee catch-up feeling smaller than when you arrived. Somehow the whole conversation was about them again. You rehearse what you'll say to avoid upsetting them, you cancel your own plans when they're "having a hard time," and you can't remember the last time they asked how you were and actually listened to the answer. If that sounds familiar, you're not imagining it, and you're not weak. Friendships with controlling, self-centred people are confusing precisely because they're rarely bad all the time. The warmth, the charm and the occasional generosity keep you hoping. The criticism, guilt-tripping and pressure keep you compliant. This post uses  Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)  to help you with the part you can actually change: your thoughts, your responses and your boundaries. You can't rewrite another pe...
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Build Your Own Security: How to Stop Outsourcing Your Sense of Safety to Relationships

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  YOUR MIND, YOUR RULES Build Your Own Security: How to Stop Outsourcing Your Sense of Safety to Relationships A CBT approach to feeling steady inside, whether or not someone is reassuring you. You get a warm message and your whole body relaxes. Then a reply takes a few hours longer than usual and your mind starts writing the worst possible story: they’re losing interest, you said something wrong, it’s all about to fall apart. If your sense of safety rises and falls with how another person behaves, you’re not weak or “too needy.” You’ve learned, probably a long time ago, that security is something that comes from other people. The good news from a CBT perspective: what was learned can be updated. You can build a steady base inside yourself, and relationships get better when you do. Why relationship-based security is so fragile When another person is your main source of reassurance, three things tend to happen: •  Their mood becomes your weather.  A quiet partner, a distra...
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Overcoming Fear of the Unknown: 5 CBT Tools

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  Overcoming Fear of the Unknown: 5 CBT Tools for When You Can’t See What’s Ahead A new job. A move. A medical result you’re waiting on. A relationship that’s changing shape. Whatever the situation, the feeling is familiar: a tight chest, a racing mind, and a strong urge to know exactly how it will turn out before you take another step. That’s fear of the unknown, and it’s one of the most common sources of anxiety there is. The good news is that CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) offers practical, well-tested tools for it. You don’t have to eliminate uncertainty. You just have to change how your mind responds to it. Why the unknown feels so threatening Your brain is a prediction machine. When it can’t predict what’s next, it fills the gap, and it tends to fill it with worst-case scenarios. This is a survival instinct: assuming danger was safer than assuming safety. CBT starts from a simple idea: it isn’t the situation itself that drives your distress, but your thoughts about it. “...
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The winners mindset

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Most people think a “winning mindset” is something you're born with — a fixed trait some people have and others don't. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) disagrees. A winning mindset isn't a personality type. It's a skill, built from specific, repeatable thinking patterns you can practice and strengthen over time, just like a muscle. The good news is that you don't need to overhaul your entire outlook overnight. CBT works because it targets the small, everyday thoughts that quietly shape how capable, motivated, or defeated you feel — and gives you concrete tools to redirect them. What CBT Actually Means by “Mindset” In CBT, your mindset isn't just an attitude — it's the sum of your automatic thoughts, the beliefs underneath them, and the behaviors those thoughts drive. This is the foundation of the cognitive triangle: thoughts, feelings, and behaviors constantly influence one another. A “losing” mindset often looks like this: something goes wrong → an autom...
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