How to be confident 

Confidence is the feeling of belief or trust that a person or thing is reliable. And Self-confidence is trust in oneself. Self-confidence involves a positive belief that one can generally accomplish what one wishes to do in the future. Self-confidence is not the same as self-esteem, which is an evaluation of one's worth. Self-confidence is related to self-efficacy—belief in one's ability to accomplish a specific task or goal. cognitive component help us to be more confident. What helped me was being in music industry and singing in front of people or fitness instructing study and teaching other people how to exercise in a gym. 

psychologists have found self-confidence to be correlated with other psychological variables including saving money, influencing others, and being a responsible student. Self-confidence affects interest, enthusiasm, and self-regulation. Self-confidence is important for accomplishing goals and improving performance. Marketing researchers have found that the general self-confidence of a person is negatively correlated with their level of anxiety. Self-confidence increases a person's general well-being and one's motivation which often increases performance. It also increases one's ability to deal with stress and mental health. The more self-confident an individual is, the less likely they are to conform to the judgments of others. Higher confidence is correlated with individuals setting higher goals. When people face feelings of discontent because they do not accomplish a certain goal, people who have higher self-confidence may become even more persistent in accomplishing their goals, whereas those with low self-confidence are more prone to giving up quickly. If people do not believe that they are capable of coping, they experience disruption which lowers their confidence about their performance. Self-enhancement is a type of motivation that works to make people feel good about themselves and to maintain self-esteem. This motive becomes especially prominent in situations of threat, failure or blows to one's self-esteem.Self-enhancement involves a preference for positive over negative self-views. It is one of the three self-evaluation motives along with self-assessment. Confidence is not an innate, fixed characteristic. It’s an ability that can be improved over time.

Social confidence can be developed by practicing in social settings. For example I created a book club where we meet up at least once a month and meet new people. Individuals can observe the structure and flow of any conversation before jumping in, and they can prepare questions or topics to discuss ahead of time.

Anxiety can take hold when people are plagued by self-doubt, so putting themselves in and getting accustomed to the specific situation they fear can assure people that nothing truly bad will happen. And the activity gets easier with practice. When you confront fear you overcome it with courage. For example I was fearful that I would have a seizure in swimming pool 🏊 but I didn’t have a seizure when I was in a pool even though I still have a fear that it might happen but at least I have a bit more confidence than I did before.

Outside of a social context, one can gain a sense of confidence from personal and professional accomplishments. For example I went silver scroll awards in Auckland was up against Taylor Swift and last year 2023 I released a vinyl record. So, we continuing to set and meet our goals can enable the belief that one is competent and capable. Regardless that I have epilepsy and I refuse to let it hold me back to living my best life regardless. 

Make affirmations part of your daily routine. 

If you need a little extra help (and who doesn't?), try adding positive affirmations to your mirrors on Post-it Notes you'll find before you leave your house, or anywhere where you could use a burst of inspiration. If you're going through something tough like a major life change, or grieving a loved one or even a past relationship, saying these affirmations can be a healthy distraction that helps you ground yourself in a tough moment. 

Try writing things like "You are strong,""You can handle anything," or even "You have a smile that lights up the room." Before you leave the house each day, say these affirmations to yourself, and repeat them often if you feel like you're going through a tough moment.

Remember most people aren’t thinking about you the way you’re thinking about you.

This isn't meant to be taken in a bad way, but think about it: If you have a hard time getting dressed because you think everyone is going to be picking apart your outfit, remind yourself that others aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are. Wear what you like and what makes you feel good because chances are, whoever you are meeting for lunch is coming to you with their own list of stressors and anxieties playing out in their head, meaning, they're not thinking about yours.

When I was in music industry and did some modelling it gave me more confidence than I thought and that is something to be proud of. 

Modelling shot when I was in my 20’s

Check out more information about it. 👇 https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/how-to-be-confident-cognitive-science-reveals-the-secrets-to-self-esteem/H3SS4QLFZVDUXJTRBC2ORSZR5E/

Find your limits by exposing yourself to different situations. 

to be mentally tough and speak positively to themselves, they can learn how to override fears resulting from the limbic brain system, a primal part of the brain that helps us deal with anxiety.

1. FACE A FEAR

Fear is usually at the root of a lack of self-confidence. When you’re scared of the outcome of something, you aren’t likely to go into it feeling assured. Until you face your fear head-on, it controls you and makes the voice of self-doubt louder.

Think about a fear you faced and recall how you felt afterward. Perhaps you felt liberated and proud; you might have even wanted to do the thing you were afraid of again.

Make a commitment to do something that scares you every day, once a week, or once a month and watch your confidence quickly grow.

2. BEFRIEND FAILURE

If you haven’t failed, you haven’t tried. In order to truly be successful, you have to be comfortable with the possibility of failure. The more you fail, the more you’ll learn and grow. Accept your mistakes and use them to propel you forward. I find writing a journal helps.

Failure often seems like the end of the road, but it’s probably just the beginning. Once you accept the initial disappointment, you’ll be able to move forward better equipped to succeed the next time. By taking risks and being willing to fail, you’ll learn to believe in yourself and your capabilities.

3. DOUBT YOUR DOUBT

Doubt is the enemy of confidence. It keeps us feeling uncertain and, sometimes, even makes us a bit cynical. If you start doubting yourself, counteract it by doubting your doubt. Question the truth of what your doubt is saying to you.

Perhaps your doubt is saying, “Oh, I’m really not good at this.” Question those limiting beliefs whenever they arise. You’ll likely realize there aren’t many facts to back up the doubtful assertion.

4. AFFIRM YOUR STRENGTHS, TALENTS, AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS

People who lack self-confidence tend to focus more on their weaknesses than their strengths. Make a list of your strengths, talents, and accomplishments. Be honest with yourself and try reading from this list daily to remind you of your greatness.

Don’t hesitate to write something like, “I am beautiful and wonderful” in red lipstick on your mirror. Though it may seem cliché, it works. We tend to believe in messages we are constantly exposed to—just ask an advertising executive.

Your confidence is influenced tremendously by your daily thoughts, especially recurring thoughts. Consistency is key to lasting change. If you want to be more confident, make a habit of reminding yourself of your unique gifts and abilities.

5. EMBODY CONFIDENCE

Fake it ’til you make it. Ever heard that phrase?

If you want to be more confident, feel more confident. When you find yourself feeling nervous and unsure, stop for a moment, close your eyes, and think of a time when you felt confident and self-assured. Use all of your senses to bring you back to that moment. In doing this, you’ll be more able to cultivate that feeling in the present moment.

Also, consider your posture. Choose a body posture that looks and feels confident. Next, think about your clothing and style. Dress to impress—yourself! Dress in a way that makes you feel good. If you look good to you, you’ll feel good, and feeling good often leads to higher self-confidence.

6. LISTEN TO EMPOWERING MUSIC

Music is a great for evoking emotion. When you want to feel more confident, turn on some music that lifts you up.

If you’ve never used music to inspire motivation, we suggest these confidence-inducing songs:

• “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor
• “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
• “We Will Rock You” by Queen
• “Perfect” by Pink
• “Happy” by Pharrell Williams
• “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor
• “Living on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi
• “I Feel Good” by James Brown
• “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child
• “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars
• “Lose Yourself” by Eminem
• “Beautiful Day” by U2
• Confident by Demi Lovtato https://open.spotify.com/track/3DXXKDbbZKyAZfNb96ST3q?si=LEmVILdqT4as5sEKPCRYyw
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Press play on one of these tracks and turn the volume up before a workout, job interview, date, or some other event that requires you to summon confidence.

7. SET A REALISTIC GOAL AND TAKE ACTION TO ACHIEVE IT

Your achievements contribute greatly to your feelings of self-confidence. By making a commitment and following through with it, you’ll learn to trust yourself and your abilities more.

Often, we make extreme resolutions—think New Year’s resolutions—that require broad, sweeping change. Then we don’t stick to them. It happens every year: people who exercise once a month try to exercise an hour each day and almost inevitably make it about a week or two before they give up. By not following through on a commitment we make to ourselves, we lose trust and faith in our abilities, and our confidence suffers as a result.

New habits take a significant amount of time, effort, and dedication to cultivate. When setting new goals, be realistic and make sure that your goals are attainable. Start slowly and set small goals that you can build on. By following through with your commitments, no matter how small, you’ll learn to trust yourself and gain confidence in what you’re capable of achieving.

8. MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Do something to give back and contribute to society. Consider volunteering or making a donation to your favorite charity. Do something for someone else. It doesn’t have to be a major contribution; even something as simple as helping your elderly neighbor carry her groceries will make you feel good (and more valuable).

By making a personal contribution, it reminds you that your individual choices have an impact on the world. Realizing your true significance as an individual will empower you and increase your feelings of self-confidence.

CHOOSE ONE SUGGESTION FROM OUR LIST AND GIVE IT A SHOT

If you really want to be more confident, consider choosing just one of the suggestions above that resonates with you. Even if it seems quirky, try it. Focus on one thing at a time and adjust a simple thought or behavior and it could go a long way toward building your confidence.

If you try to do too much at once, you may become overwhelmed. Remember that confidence is a state of trust, which, like any therapeutic relationship, takes time to build. Be patient with yourself and know the journey begins with one step. Take baby steps and, before you know it, you will arrive at your destination feeling confident and capable.

I hope this helps you do be more confident today. 

Tools for confidence and self esteem https://hosted.justathought.co.nz/justathoughtnz-files/tooltip/course-story/24/b1c80df24276bb67db09e3cfb1eea2a3-About%20Self%20Esteem.pdf

By Lori from Lifesuccessnz 

How can I improve my confidence on a daily basis?