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When You’re Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

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You deserve support. Reaching out is not a burden—it’s a brave act of self-care.

You Are Not Alone in This

If you’re reading this because you’re having thoughts of suicide, I want you to know something important: you are not alone, you are not broken, and these feelings—as overwhelming as they are right now—are temporary.

Suicidal thoughts are often the mind’s way of saying “I need the pain to stop,” not necessarily “I want my life to end.” When emotional pain becomes unbearable, our brain desperately searches for a way out. The good news is there are other ways through this pain, even if you can’t see them right now.

Millions of people have stood exactly where you’re standing now and found their way through. You can too.

Understanding What You’re Experiencing

Suicidal Thoughts Are a Symptom, Not a Character Flaw

Having thoughts of suicide doesn’t mean you’re weak, broken, or beyond help. These thoughts are symptoms—often of depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, or overwhelming stress. Just as physical pain signals something needs attention, emotional pain does the same.

The Pain Is Real, But It’s Not Permanent

Right now, it might feel like things will never get better. This is a symptom of depression—it literally alters how your brain processes hope and possibility. But feelings change. Circumstances change. You change. What feels unbearable today can become bearable with the right support and treatment.

Your Brain Is Lying to You

Depression and suicidal thoughts distort reality. Your brain might be telling you:

• “Everyone would be better off without me” (Not true—your loss would devastate people)

• “Nothing will ever get better” (Not true—situations and feelings change)

• “There’s no other way out” (Not true—there are always alternatives, even if you can’t see them now)

• “I’m a burden” (Not true—people who love you want to help)

These thoughts feel real, but they’re distortions created by emotional pain and chemical imbalances in your brain.

Immediate Steps to Take Right Now

If you’re in crisis this very moment, here’s what to do:

1. Reach Out Immediately

Call someone—anyone:

• A friend or family member

• A therapist or counselor

• A crisis hotline (988 in the US, or text 741741)

• Your doctor

• A spiritual advisor

• Even a neighbor or acquaintance

You don’t need to explain everything. Just say “I’m not okay and I need someone with me right now.”

2. Get to a Safe Place

If you have access to means of harming yourself, remove yourself from them immediately:

• Leave the location

• Go to a public place

• Go to someone’s house

• Go to an emergency room

Your safety is the only priority right now.

3. Use Grounding Techniques

When thoughts become overwhelming, try these grounding exercises:

The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique:

• Name 5 things you can see

• Name 4 things you can touch

• Name 3 things you can hear

• Name 2 things you can smell

• Name 1 thing you can taste

This brings you back to the present moment and interrupts the spiral of thoughts.

Cold Water on Your Face:

Splash cold water on your face or hold ice cubes. The physical sensation interrupts emotional overwhelm and activates your body’s calming response.

Controlled Breathing:

Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, breathe out for 6 counts. Repeat for several minutes. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system and reduces panic.

4. Make a Safety Plan

Write down:

• Warning signs that you’re approaching crisis

• Internal coping strategies you can use

• People you can contact for support

• Professional resources and phone numbers

• Ways to make your environment safer

Keep this list somewhere easily accessible.

Strategies for Getting Through the Next Hours and Days

Commit to Waiting

Promise yourself you’ll wait 24 hours before making any permanent decisions. Then another 24 hours. Then another. Often, the intensity of suicidal thoughts decreases significantly within hours or days, especially once you start reaching out for help.

Break Time Into Smaller Pieces

Don’t think about getting through the rest of your life, or even the next week. Focus on getting through the next hour. Then the next. Sometimes, just making it to bedtime is enough. Sleep can provide relief and perspective.

Talk to Someone You Trust

Isolation makes everything worse. Reach out to someone—even if it’s hard, even if you think you’re bothering them, even if you don’t know what to say. Just say “I’m struggling and I need to talk.”

If you don’t feel you have anyone to talk to, call a crisis line. The people there understand and want to help.

Distract Yourself (It’s Okay)

While you’re waiting for support or treatment:

• Watch a comforting show or movie

• Listen to music

• Take a walk

• Play with a pet

• Do a simple, repetitive task

• Engage with something that usually brings you comfort

Distraction isn’t avoidance—it’s giving your nervous system a break from the intensity.

Write It Out

Sometimes putting thoughts on paper helps:

• Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of someone who loves you

• Journal about what you’re feeling without judgment

• Make a list of reasons to stay (even small ones count: “I want to see what happens next in that show” or “My dog needs me”)

Move Your Body

Physical movement can shift emotional states:

• Take a short walk

• Do some gentle stretching

• Dance to one song

• Do jumping jacks or pushups

Movement changes your body chemistry and can provide temporary relief from emotional pain.

Getting Professional Help: Your Path Forward

See a Mental Health Professional

If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, you need professional support. This isn’t something you should try to handle alone.

Where to find help:

• Ask your primary care doctor for a referral to a therapist or psychiatrist

• Contact your insurance company for in-network providers

• Use online directories like Psychology Today to find therapists in your area

• Look into community mental health centers, which often offer sliding-scale fees

• Many therapists now offer online sessions, expanding your options

Consider Medication

If depression, anxiety, or another mental health condition is contributing to suicidal thoughts, medication can be life-saving. There’s no shame in taking medication for mental health—it’s no different than taking medication for diabetes or high blood pressure.

Talk to a psychiatrist or your primary care doctor about options. Finding the right medication can take time and adjustment, but it can make an enormous difference.

Explore Different Types of Therapy

Different approaches work for different people:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) - Helps change thought patterns

• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) - Especially helpful for emotion regulation

• EMDR - Effective for trauma-related issues

• Interpersonal Therapy - Focuses on relationship patterns

Don’t give up if the first therapist or approach doesn’t feel right. Finding the right fit is important.

Consider Intensive Treatment Options

If outpatient therapy isn’t enough:

• Partial Hospitalization Programs (PHP) - Several hours of treatment daily while living at home

• Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOP) - Multiple therapy sessions per week

• Inpatient Hospitalization - If you’re in immediate danger, a hospital stay can provide safety and stabilization

These aren’t punishments or signs of failure—they’re tools for getting intensive help when you need it most.

Building Your Support System

Tell People What’s Going On

You don’t have to suffer in silence. Tell trusted people in your life what you’re experiencing:

• “I’m struggling with my mental health and having dark thoughts”

• “I need extra support right now”

• “Can you check in on me regularly?”

Most people want to help but don’t know how. Giving them specific ways to support you helps everyone.

Create a Crisis Contact List

Make a list of people you can contact when you’re struggling, including:

• Friends and family members

• Therapist or counselor

• Crisis hotlines

• Your doctor

• Spiritual advisor (if applicable)

Put this list in your phone and somewhere visible at home.

Join a Support Group

Connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can be incredibly healing:

• Look for depression or suicide survivor support groups in your area

• Try online support communities (moderated ones are safest)

• Organizations like the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) offer free support groups

Consider a Peer Support Specialist

Some areas have peer support specialists—people with lived experience of mental health challenges who provide support. They can be especially helpful because they truly understand what you’re going through.

Lifestyle Changes That Can Help

While these aren’t substitutes for professional help, they can support your recovery:

Prioritize Sleep

Depression and lack of sleep create a vicious cycle. Try to:

• Keep a consistent sleep schedule

• Create a calming bedtime routine

• Limit screen time before bed

• Talk to your doctor if insomnia is a problem

Nourish Your Body

When you’re depressed, eating well feels impossible, but nutrition affects mood:

• Eat regular small meals even if you’re not hungry

• Focus on protein and complex carbohydrates

• Stay hydrated

• Limit alcohol (it worsens depression)

• Ask friends to help with meal preparation if needed

Move Gently

Exercise is proven to help depression, but don’t pressure yourself:

• Start with just five minutes of walking

• Try gentle yoga or stretching

• Dance to one favorite song

• Do what feels manageable, not what you “should” do

Reduce Isolation

Isolation feeds depression. Even small social contact helps:

• Text a friend

• Sit in a coffee shop around people

• Attend a support group

• Video chat with someone

• Visit a place where you’ll be around others, even if you don’t interact

Limit Substance Use

Alcohol and drugs might provide temporary escape, but they worsen depression and increase impulsivity. If you’re struggling with substance use, tell your treatment providers—integrated treatment is most effective.

For the Long Term: Building a Life Worth Living

Treatment Takes Time

Recovery isn’t linear. You’ll have good days and bad days. Medication takes weeks to work. Therapy requires consistency. Be patient with the process and with yourself.

Focus on Small Improvements

You don’t need to feel amazing right away. Look for small signs of improvement:

• Feeling slightly less hopeless

• Having a few minutes of enjoying something

• Getting through a difficult moment without acting on thoughts

• Being able to reach out for help

These are all victories worth celebrating.

Find Your Reasons

Recovery often starts before you feel ready. You don’t need to feel hopeful to start healing. Many people begin by staying alive for simple, specific reasons:

• A pet that needs care

• A family member you don’t want to hurt

• Curiosity about what might change

• Not wanting to miss important future events

• Spite (sometimes “I’ll show them” is motivation enough)

Your reasons don’t need to be profound. They just need to be real to you.

Develop Purpose and Meaning

As you stabilize, explore what gives your life meaning:

• Volunteer work

• Creative expression

• Helping others who’ve struggled similarly

• Pursuing passions or interests

• Building deeper connections

• Contributing to causes you care about

Purpose doesn’t have to be grand—it can be found in everyday moments of connection, creation, and contribution.

A Message of Hope

If you’re reading this while in crisis, please hold on. I know you’re exhausted. I know the pain feels endless. I know you’ve probably tried before and feel hopeless about trying again.

But here’s the truth: countless people have stood exactly where you’re standing and found their way through. The pain you feel now is not permanent, even though it feels like it is. Treatment works. Support helps. Life can become not just bearable, but genuinely worth living again.

You don’t have to believe in recovery right now. You just have to make it through today. Then tomorrow. Then the next day. Let professionals, loved ones, and time do the heavy lifting while you focus simply on surviving.

The world needs what only you can contribute. The people who love you need you here. Your future self—the one who’s made it through this—will be grateful you held on.

Take Action Now

If you’re in crisis:

1. Call your local crisis line immediately

2. Tell someone you trust what you’re going through

3. Make an appointment with a mental health professional

4. Remove access to means of self-harm

5. Create a safety plan

If you’re supporting someone in crisis:

1. Take all mentions of suicide seriously

2. Listen without judgment

3. Ask directly: “Are you thinking about suicide?”

4. Don’t leave them alone if they’re in immediate danger

5. Help them access professional support

6. Follow up regularly

You matter. Your life matters. Please reach out for help today.

Crisis Resources:

NZ

If you’re in immediate danger, please reach out right now:

• Call 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) - Lifeline Aotearoa - Available 24/7

• Text 4357 (HELP) - Free text support - Available 24/7

• Call 1737 - Need to Talk? - Free call or text - Available 24/7

• Call 0800 726 666 - Suicide Crisis Helpline - Available 24/7

• Call 0800 376 633 - Samaritans - Available 24/7

• Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) - Youthline (for young people) - Available 24/7

• Call 111 - If in immediate danger

• Go to your nearest hospital emergency department

Additional NZ Support Services:

• Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 or text 4202

• Anxiety Helpline: 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)

• Alcohol Drug Helpline: 0800 787 797

• Warmline: 0800 200 207 (peer support, 8pm-midnight daily)

You deserve support. Reaching out is not a burden—it’s a brave act of self-care.

For the USA

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): Call or text 988

• Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741

• International resources: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

You deserve support, compassion, and healing. Please give yourself the chance to find it.

If you want my support feel free to reach out https://tranquilitynz.com/

Lori from Lifesucessnz xx