Finding hope

 We all struggle to find hope in life. There is a way to hold onto hope. From my own experience I’ve had to find a way after a tragic loss of a family member who committed suicide. It was hard until I found hope. Having hope gives you a reason to carry on with your life. For some people they believe that god is their reason to keep going with their life because he takes over the situation. While we are facing pandemic it affects our mental health, so let’s find hope through these difficult times. 

As much as we try to plan ahead, life always throws curveballs our way. I’m sure you’ve had those moments when literally nothing goes the way you thought it would. The detailed plans, the perfect scenarios – they just never seem to plan out.

I’m a planner in many aspects of my life. Planning gives me a sense of certainty and eases my mind from the ‘how the heck am I going to make this work’ type of thoughts. That being said, there have been so many times in my life when I’ve imagined things going a certain way but they end up going completely wrong.

When things don’t go to plan, it’s easy to start freaking out and having anxiety. You might spiral into a negative place when things don’t go your way. You feel frustrated that your emotions seem to be controlling you instead of the other way around.

Even though it might seem impossible, you can teach yourself to stay calm when setbacks come their way. You just need to know what to pay attention to when it happens. In this post, I’m sharing how you can stay calm when things don’t go as planned specially during COVID-19 so that you can move on instead of feeling powerless.

When Things Keep Going Wrong

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Coaching people I’m up against competitive life coaches. This past 2 years has taught me the true meaning of patience. First of all, it’s a lot of work. I plan out ways to coach and create content, I spend time making changes to routines, and I take time out of my weekends to make sure my head is prepared for the week ahead.

But we had Covid-19 past two years and this year that *truly* tested my ability to keep my cool. 

The first situation happened when COVID-19 came a long two years ago and then my father passed away a year ago. This tested my mental state. 

I thought to myself, where to from here? “You’ve got to be kidding me.” But because of the circumstances I had to find a way through it. Of course this would happen right before I found hope. But, there is a way through these negative experiences. Some people believe in god and they feel hope through Jesus. Whatever works for you is what matters. 

As a coach, I didn’t want to lose my cool in front of the clients. I try to be as human as possible with them and not project this fake “I’m your coach so I have everything figured out” vibe, but I need to act in a way that helps them to stay calm too. After all, it’s hard to keep calm yourself when an adult is freaking out in front of you. Of course Covid-19 hasn’t helped but we can get through it with courage.

So I did a little brainstorming as a way to help myself and figured out how I could overcome anxiety. Luckily journaling has been helpful, and I had the rest of the week to get myself and clients comfortable with the changes Covid-19 has brought us.

“You may not control all of the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

– MAYA ANGELOU

A few months later when everything was not going super smoothly, one of my family members told me my dad was dying and I went to see dad straight away. This was a big deal. When I received that phone call I had a mini-breakdown. After everything was going to plan for my life, the unexpected threw itself (COVID-19) pandemic into the mix again.

 It turns out that the unexpected sometimes comes when you don’t expect it in your life. 

I’ve never been more impressed by a group of compassionate people  than the ones I’ve met. They were determined to keep going even when life threw every curveball that is in unmanageable at times. 

How To Stay Calm During Setbacks

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So how do we train ourselves to stay calm in these types of situations? There are so many emotions that come up when something goes wrong: anger, frustration, heartbreak, fear, anxiety, sadness.

All of these thoughts start to go through your mind like, “Should I just give up?” and  “Was all of the hard work I put in for nothing?” It’s hard not to project blame on to someone else and dwell on how things “should” have been.

Instead of going into a downward spiral, here are a few things that can help when dealing with setbacks in your life:

1. Set Realistic Expectations

One of the ways you can prevent frustration to begin with is making sure you’re not expecting that everything will always go your way. Life has plans of its own, regardless of what your goals are. Though I’ll always be a planner by nature, I’ve learned that you have to  prepare for the unexpected. I had to be ready for my father’s death as he was getting worse as they years went by and I hoped for the best, but recognize that you’ll never fully be in control of the process.

2. Sit With The Frustration

When you feel yourself start to freak out with anxiety, it’s important to let yourself sit with your emotions in the moment. I don’t believe in pushing your emotions aside. I use dropping anchor by dr Russ Harris. Your emotions give you a better sense of what’s important to you and what you value. Give yourself a moment to gather yourself. Go outside. Tell whoever you’re with that you need a moment.

From there, let yourself accept the situation instead of dwelling on it. As humans, we tend to dwell on situations because we love the feeling of intense emotions whether we realize it or not. But when you dwell on things, it only intensifies the issue and gives power to the situation. Take back the power by creating awareness around your emotions,

use tool Dropping Anchor by Dr Russ Harris and observe what happened rather than using your energy to blame others or yourself. 

3. Decide What’s Next

Sometimes it’s hard to think clearly when you’re dealing with a setback, but the quicker you can stop dwelling, the easier it becomes to see your next steps. Rather than resorting to giving up, think about what your options are. How can you move forward from this? Talk it out with others, whether it’s asking them for advice or simply asking if they’ll listen while you talk it out. Get it out of your system in some way. When it comes to making a decision, choose the option or route that will get you closer to your overall goal, even if it will take extra effort and time.

How do you stay calm when things don’t go to plan?

In the end, keeping your cool is about preparing for the unexpected, letting yourself sit with the situation, and making the decision to take the next step. I’d love to know if you have a story similar to mine when nothing went as planned. How did you handle the situation? What lessons did you learn? Share your thoughts in the comments below!