Finding me in chaos of Covid-19

 Left with No Identity, Just Labels…

I recently ran away for the day. I just felt overwhelmed with all the things I had to do and be.

I told my mother that I was going out for the day, I didn’t know where, but that I would be back in the late afternoon. She wasn’t quite shocked. I had never done this in the past two years because of Covid-19. 

This day, however, was different. The overwhelm had become too much to bear.

I got on the bus and decided I would head to the shops and had a coffee at a café. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful weather and I was all alone. Guilt started to set in. It is usually there, festering away.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1Ajuxu83V7iX-sYjWefVorlXMrLyLVIAz

Am I a terrible auntie? Am I a terrible human? Why did I need to escape from my beautiful life?

As I walk to bus stop I began thinking about why I was so overwhelmed. I thought about the number of labels I am now living with and how it has literally stripped me of my identity.

Who was I anymore? I felt like I was now just various labels; ‘auntie’ ,'coach', ‘extremist’, ‘bossy’, ‘controlling’, crap cleaner’, and the list goes on, depending on who you ask and their interpretation of me.

These labels, whether correct or not, have somehow left me feeling as though I was empty. Constantly keeping everyone happy and trying to keep up with expectations of being who they expect me to be, except ME. I dare not keep myself happy as then I would be labelled ‘selfish’, ‘a bad auntie’ or worse.

I have been lost in a different world for so long that there is no ME left. I felt at that moment like I was just someone to cater to other people’s needs. If I didn’t do it correctly then what was I … worthless? I was struggling with anxiety like many people are due to covid-19.

I worked so hard trying to grow and drive my coaching, at the same time my family are home, leaving me no time on my own and having to constantly juggle and swap between tasks.

Yes, I made these decisions, so why complain about them when I am all about gratitude? There it goes, the guilt, feeling like a fraud. I am grateful, most of the time. Most of the time I just keep going, keep trucking on. But this time I just couldn’t.

I was left feeling confused. What is left of me? Who am I? Ask yourself this write in your journal.

  • How are you doing?
  • What have you been up to?
  • Are you happier than you were a year ago? If not why?

I need to ditch the labels from society and others and I need to rediscover who I am.

What do I love? What makes me happy? I need to start adding a little more of these things into my life and create my own labels!

Join me and print off this FREE resource – FINDING ME! Use it as a visual reminder of what makes you happy, and what you love, so you don’t lose sight of YOU. Click the link Finding me. 

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