Finding happiness 

Are you happy? 79% of people believe that happiness comes from things like money and fame, but long-lasting happiness is developed from maintaining a higher sense of well-being and gratitude. Happiness can be challenging to locate and hold onto if it's easily unhinged, so the key is understanding what those fragile hinges are to our happiness and replacing them. 

Overview

The secrets to happiness break down into five parts:

1. Real happiness is a long-term mental state

2. Seek happiness within

3. Don't get happiness confused with pleasure

4. Happiness isn’t about avoiding suffering

5. Free yourself from your own ego. - as it not a healthy way to be.

Let’s dive in!

1.) Real happiness is a long-term mental state

Most of us perceive happiness as momentary, subject to external circumstances beyond our control. 

Let's break down this concept and explore a path to enduring happiness.

The Rollercoaster of Momentary Joy

• External Triggers: Bursts of happiness, like a raise or a compliment, are often triggered by external forces.

• These joyous bumps take us on a rollercoaster ride, fluctuating from highs to lows, sometimes leaving us feeling nauseous.

True happiness is not momentary and should not be dependent on external forces. 

Real happiness stems from cultivating a healthy state of mind, unchained from memories and future anxieties.

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Both memories and future worries happen outside of a critical element—the present.

The present is the only thing that truly matters, influencing the beauty of the future. To live a life immersed in happiness, we must be at peace with the present. I know it can be hard when you suffer anxiety disorder so try your best at being in the present. 

Being at peace with the present involves freeing ourselves from negativity. Contrary to common belief, science reveals that 75% of happiness is within our control, not solely defined by genes.

The Power of Control: Shaping Our Mental State

• Significant Influence: 75% control means our ability and effort to shift our long-term mental state is substantial.

• Shifting Perspectives: We achieve this by altering our thoughts, lifestyle, and perceptions of the world and opportunities. This is why I use cognitive behavioural therapy. 

While changing the entire world may be impossible, changing the way we perceive it is entirely possible. 

By embracing the present, freeing ourselves from negativity, and actively shaping our mental state, we unlock the key to a life filled with genuine happiness and fulfillment.

2.) Seek happiness within 

As discussed earlier, a staggering 79% of people believe happiness is tethered to external elements like money and fame. 

However, the reality is that only a mere 10% to 15% of these factors significantly impact our happiness—a remarkably limited influence to our state of happiness. 

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This revelation is, indeed, good news. Imagine the constraints on happiness if external factors held more weight—it would be out of reach for most. 

Let's delve into another perspective, continuing our exploration of external influences, this time focusing on love.

Love's Unpredictability: Navigating the Reality

• No Guarantees: There's no fool proof guarantee that our partner will always reciprocate our love.

• Facing Reality: While this may sound negative, it's a reality check. The danger arises when our happiness becomes dependent on this unpredictable element.

Risk of Dependency: The Love Dilemma

• Dependence Danger: If our happiness hinges on our partner's actions, disappointment and heartbreak may follow when things go sideways.

• This doesn't mean we can't love or have remarkable relationships; it emphasizes that our entire happiness shouldn't be reliant on external factors.

Consider the joy of buying a new car—excitement, anticipation, and driving pleasure. Yet, with time, a newer model emerges, bursting our happiness balloon.

Relying on external factors, like new possessions, becomes a dangerous game leading to fleeting joy.

It's imperative to redirect our focus to our inner being and inner happiness. 

Accepting that temporary external things do not hold the answers to happiness becomes the initial stride toward inner well-being.

Letting go of the cling to temporary external factors elevates us to a higher state of inner well-being.

This higher state ensures our happiness remains steady, unaffected by external setbacks like failure.

The path to true and enduring happiness involves liberating ourselves from the illusion of external dependencies.

By accepting the impermanence of external factors and redirecting our focus inward, we attain a profound sense of inner freedom and well-being.

3.) Don’t get happiness confused with pleasure

To truly achieve happiness, the journey begins with understanding what it is. Once we grasp its essence, we can focus on the elements that foster it.

Common Confusions

• Pleasure vs. Happiness: Many confuse happiness with momentary pleasures and believe they are interchangeable.

• Misguided Paths: This confusion often leads us down false paths, where we risk losing sight of genuine happiness.

  
  

  

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  While many see pleasure as a shortcut to happiness, it often leads to a cliff at the end. Pleasure is fleeting and can be unstable, like the enjoyment of food up to a certain extent.

  Reframing Happiness

  To attain lasting happiness, we must redefine our approach and what we attach it to. For instance:

  • Lottery Illusion: Winning the lottery may seem like a happiness jackpot, but studies reveal it provides only a momentary spike.

  • Internal Focus: Instead of external pursuits, the key lies in focusing on our inner environment.

  The Fear Factor

  Why do people still chase external pleasures despite their fleeting nature?

  • Fear of the Internal: Many are afraid to confront their inner world, turning to external distractions like entertainment, shopping, and drugs.

  • Creating a Divide: Unfortunately, relying solely on external stimuli creates a wedge within ourselves, leading to a loss of connection and a sense of meaninglessness.

  To truly find lasting happiness, let's shift our focus inward, bravely exploring our inner environment. 

  By reframing our understanding and redirecting our pursuits, we can cultivate a meaningful and enduring sense of joy.

  4.) Happiness isn’t about avoiding suffering

  Ever wondered what happiness is truly about? It's not just the absence of suffering; it's about liberating ourselves from the worries that often cloud our lives. I've been through a lot of negative situations that made me grow and be stronger within. 

  Weekend Happiness Trap: Breaking the Cycle

  • Common Belief: Many believe happiness is solely the removal of suffering.

  • Weekend Blues: Consider those who find happiness exclusively on weekends, away from work. Maybe you can relate?

  The concept of happiness can be perplexing. 

  Studies reveal that 15% of Americans face a significant episode of depression before the age of 35, often linked to their relationship with happiness. 

  Specifically, tying it to temporary things makes happiness delicate and fragile.

  Breaking the Cycle of Suffering

  • Root Cause: The key lies in understanding that our pain doesn't originate from suffering but is a byproduct of the unhappiness we create.

  • Unpacking the Scenario: Losing a job may naturally lead to unhappiness, but it's the worries about money, status, finding a new job, and societal judgment that intensify the pain.

  True, enduring happiness blossoms when we shed unnecessary worries. By removing the burden of unnecessary concerns, we pave the way for the emergence of genuine, long-lasting happiness.

  

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  While suffering may be unavoidable, our focus should shift from unnecessary worries to the present moment. 

  Letting go of needless concerns becomes the catalyst for true happiness to flourish.

  5.) Free yourself from your own ego

  The connection between identity, status, and unhappiness is undeniable. 

  Recognizing this link, it becomes crucial for us to detach from our ego—a key factor in this intricate relationship.

  The Ego Trap: Seeking Recognition and Validation

  • Specific Self-Image: Clinging to a particular self-image leads to relentless efforts for recognition and acceptance.

  • Validation Pursuit: This behavior drives us to invest a significant amount of time and effort seeking external validation.

    
    

    

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    An ego, by nature, is fragile and inadequate as a foundation for our well-being.

    Separating ourselves from the ego grants us inner strength, making us less vulnerable to emotional shutdown when facing challenges.

    The risk of emotional shutdown arises when we think too highly of ourselves, making humility a crucial focus.

    Acknowledging our limits and embracing humility frees us from the need for external validation. This newfound freedom releases us from disappointment, becoming a source of inner freedom and long-lasting happiness.

    True happiness lies in liberating ourselves from the shackles of ego. 

    Embracing humility, acknowledging our limits, and freeing ourselves from the need for external validation lead to a profound sense of inner freedom and lasting joy.

    Conclusion

    There you have it — the secrets to happiness. I hope the examples and definitions in this guide can be the compass guiding you towards a life filled with purpose, gratitude, and the joy that blossoms from the simple yet profound art of embracing every moment. 

    I’d love to hear from you: 

    • Among the secrets to happiness shared in this newsletter, which one do you find most resonant with your own values and aspirations?

    • Reflecting on your own pursuit of happiness, can you recall a moment when you consciously applied one of these secrets and experienced a positive shift?

    Have a wonderful week, all.
    Much love to you and yours, Lori @tranquillitynz  ❤️