How to unf*ck yourself

 In 2019, Everyday Health partnered with wellness experts and researchers at Ohio State University to survey resilience. Interestingly, 83% of Americans believed they were highly resilient, but only 57% proved resilient in assessments. This gap highlights a crucial misconception: thinking you're resilient and actually being resilient can differ. Building resilience isn't just beneficial; it's vital for well-being. It's not just a trait; it's a skill you can develop. 

Overview

Unf*cking yourself breaks down into five parts:

1. Stop playing the victim;

2. Stop blaming your circumstances;

3. Stop calling successful people lucky;

4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself; 

5. Stop staying down. 

Let’s dive in!

1.) Stop playing the victim

Life deals us a daily hand of cards, and the game is in how we choose to play them. Some days, the hand might not seem favourable, and this is where many people falter. 

Rather than embracing the challenge, they surrender, putting themselves at the mercy of external factors.

Here's the deal-breaker: instead of seeking unique opportunities and freedoms within their hand, they trade it for a seemingly good deal—seven perceived advantages. 

However, this seemingly good deal comes at a high cost of sixteen dangerous cards.

Let's break it down:

Trading Seven for Sixteen

These seven perceived “advantages”: 

1. Not taking responsibility for anything

2. Earning sympathy from others

3. The "right" to complain

4. People paying extra attention to us

5. Freedom from upsetting or criticism

6. Feeling interesting or important with sad stories

7. Increased likelihood of getting what we want

Lead to sixteen dangerous cards: 

1. Constantly blaming others or situations

2. "Life is against me" philosophy

3. Cynicism or pessimism

4. Minor problems blown out of proportion

5. Believing others are out to get us

6. Refusal to consider other perspectives

7. Feeling targeted for mistreatment

8. Reliving past painful memories

9. Finding something to complain about even when things go right

10. Feeling attacked by constructive criticism

11. Feeling powerless and unable to cope effectively

12. Attracting like-minded people

13. Believing the world is mostly bad 

14. Believing others are responsible for our life

15. Enjoying self-pity

16. Expecting sympathy and becoming upset when it's not received

Reality Check: Life is not always a winning hand, but by resisting it, we make it more difficult. Bad things happen, and sometimes it's our fault, sometimes not. The key is taking responsibility, managing disappointment, and planning for a better future.

Don't volunteer as a victim; confront uncomfortable truths, embrace vulnerability, and acknowledge your role in your circumstances. 

Choose the temporary discomfort of responsibility over a lifetime of pain and self-torture.

2.) Stop blaming your circumstances

Success, my friends, is a journey deeply personal. It's a narrative written by you, for you – something money can't purchase and varies from soul to soul.

Now, let's play a little mental game. 

• Imagine if money is your yardstick for success. Some start rich, some start poor.

• Circumstances? We can't control them, but our reactions and ability to conquer challenges? Absolutely within our grasp.

Here's the universal truth: Success crowns those fixated on the controllable, brushing off the uncontrollable.

Now, picture this: 

You're a Formula 1 driver. In your sleek F1 car, you're at the back, behind everyone. Is this a disadvantage? Not necessarily. It's an advantage. 

Why? Because you're not looking back; you're focused forward. You're aware of the cars to outmaneuver, their tactics, strengths, and weaknesses. You have a clear goalpost to charge towards. 

Being in front? That's where the real challenge lies – constantly looking over your shoulder, varying your speed.

Remember, it's not where you start; we all start from different positions. It's how you continue to position yourself, making the effort to reposition in the most favorable spot for you. 

Recognize your strengths, acknowledge your weaknesses, and strategize your moves.

Your journey to success is uniquely yours. Embrace it. Be that determined driver, consistently repositioning yourself for the win.

3.) Stop calling successful people lucky

Ramsey Solutions dropped knowledge bombs with the largest millionaire surveyever – 10,000 participants spilled the beans.

• Contrary to popular belief, wealth isn't an inheritance party. Hold on to your hats – a whopping 79% of millionaires didn't inherit a dime! 

• Only 3% struck the jackpot with a $1 million+ inheritance. 

• And guess what? Most millionaires didn't grow up rolling in cash – 8 out of 10 hail from middle-income families. Just 2% had a silver spoon upbringing.

But let's dive deeper, because success is way more than the Benjamins. It's not just about money; it transcends societal titles and the digits in your bank account.

Now, why the rush to tag successful folks as "lucky"? It's a defense move, shielding our egos. 

But what if we flipped the script? What if we acknowledged that success is a symphony of effort, learning, and sheer grit?

Sure, luck plays its part, but here's the kicker: positioning ourselves for opportunities and taking relentless action consistently outweighs luck.

So, let's embrace the truth – success isn't a lucky draw. It's a masterpiece painted with effort, learning, and unyielding perseverance.

Ready to position yourself for success?

4.) Stop feeling sorry for yourself 

Let's talk purpose.

Look around, seriously, wherever you are – your space, your realm. Every single thing has a role, a purpose, a reason for being in the grand scheme of Earth's theater.

From the humble bug to the button on your phone, each plays a part in the perfectly orchestrated dance of life. 

Now, here's the kicker: they all serve a purpose. So, where does self-pity fit into this cosmic logic? 

Short answer: it doesn't. Life throws curveballs, that's a given. But, here's the deal: our reactions define us, not the curveballs themselves.

Success or failure boils down to a simple truth – the ability to keep moving. 

The moment we halt, that's when we truly fail. The secret sauce? Keep going, keep trying.

5.) Stop staying down

Let's talk about a face that defines resilience, a face you've likely encountered more than you think.

This face weathered storms – failed in business in 1831, suffered a breakdown in 1836, and lost a presidential run in 1856. That face? Abraham Lincoln.

Instead of bowing to failure, he rose. 

Lincoln's wisdom echoes: "My great concern is not whether you have failed but whether you are content with your failure."

Life throws challenges, not as punishment, but as sparring partners, as unclimbed peaks. Embrace the sore muscles — it's in facing these opponents that opportunity unfolds.

Just like a workout that breaks and rebuilds muscles, facing the unknown is the natural process of success. 

The opponents only win if we stay down, if we fear failure more than we crave success.

Conclusion

There you have it — how to unf*ck yourself. I hope the examples and definitions in this guide help you remember that the power to unf*ck yourself lies within, and with each intentional step, you rewrite the narrative of your life

I’d love to hear from you: 

• Which aspect of self-transformation resonates with you the most, and how do you plan to initiate the process of 'unf*cking' yourself in that specific area of your life?

• Can you identify a pattern or habit in your life that you believe has contributed to the need for self-transformation? 

Have a wonderful week, all.
Much love to you and yours, Lori (@tranquilitynz). ❤️