Self love vs self pity 

Sometimes feeling sorry for ourselves can be quite therapeutic, but it can be a fine line between that and a downward spiral of self pity. The problem with self pity is that we stop looking for solutions, and even worse, we expect others to pick up the slack or give concessions or do things for us because we feel we have been wronged by someone or by the world. 

Of course, you can acknowledge that something bad happened to you. But you can either sit in that or learn from it. You may not have any say over what has been done to you in the past, but you are 100% responsible for what happens next. 

Unfortunately, no one is going to come and fix someone else’s wrongdoing, so you would be waiting a long time. 

It might be unfair, but that doesn’t change the situation.

 And sitting in the seat of the victim will only hurt you. It’s like when you resent someone for something and that person may not even acknowledge what they have done. I know from my own experience of abuse. They are off living their life while you are wallowing, thinking of all the wrong doings they did to you. And you will find find the longer you sit in this shit hole, the more you relate to people in the same headspace and the longer you stay there will not help.

You are keeping yourself in a place of suffering. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. And so often we choose thoughts and behaviours that enhance our suffering. 

Every time you pity yourself, you encourage yourself to stay where you are now. You delay your progress and happiness. There is nothing wrong with being sad and feeling the feelings that you need to feel, but that is worlds way of winding yourself up with detrimental thoughts thoughts of what should or shouldn’t happen. This spiralling is destructive behaviour disguised as self care when it is not. Don’t fool yourself! I want you to reflect on these times and thoughts you have encouraged that made you feel pity.

Write down times where you have slipped into a negative spiral and played the victim role. This is not about criticising yourself remember it is just about bringing these situations to light so you can learn from them. Sometimes starting from scratch, which is not always easy can be daunting. Our way of protecting ourselves is to stay in the Pity cycle we know so well. But the price of staying there is too high to pay. Because you can’t have both things at once. You have to sacrifice comfort and safety for growth. 

This is where you want to look at these areas as growth in your life. Letting go of resentment which I had to from my own experience. Or even grudges and turn it into what has made you a strong person that you are today! You can look at these things and make it a choice. 

Lori from Lifesuccessnz xx